It’s been a difficult week, with feelings of sadness and grief dominating my life. I stayed home most of the week, skipping all my usual activities, partly because of the commitment I’ve made to see this process through and stay present with the emotions I’ve been experiencing, and partly because I felt that I really couldn’t face him without breaking down in tears (see my previous post if you have no idea what I’m talking about).
“This moment matters,” is the conscious response for Week One of The Presence Process, and this week I’ve realized just how difficult it is for me to stay present in the moment, regardless of all the sessions I’ve already done with Resonance Repatterning®. My thoughts inevitably stray to memories from the past or projections into the future.
Michael Brown talks about the importance of feeling our emotions as they arise, so I held back from giving myself sessions – my go to response, I’ve realized, whenever I feel uncomfortable. I felt the pain, stayed with it, and allowed myself to express it through my tears. And I allowed my 13-year-old self (pictured above) to cry the tears she never let herself shed when her heart was broken, for fear of being judged and humiliated further. Soon I was crying for my 4-year-old too, who got left at preschool when she wasn’t ready. There were moments when I was calm, but most of the week has been a long process of expressing my grief and I can’t say I feel better for it. Then again, we don’t judge our progress through The Presence Process by how good or bad we feel. That has been the most important thing to remember for me this week as I struggled to keep going.
Despite my decision to not give myself Resonance Repatterning® sessions, midway through this week, I did receive one from a colleague with whom I have a long standing weekly session exchange. I made certain to set my intention that the session supported me through The Presence Process, and I ended up quite surprised and pleased with the results. Whilst before the session I had been struggling to get past taking the actions of others to heart and interpreting them as a sign that I am not good enough, afterwards I was able to grieve and integrate the emotion, free of this non-coherent belief/interpretation. The coherent statement that most sticks in my mind is, “I accept the real interpretation of my childhood. I let go of believing that I am not enough. I let go of the pain associated with my past and being stuck in my past. I let go of sitting around and waiting to be punished.”
As I write this, I feel excited about combining these two powerful tools to achieve an even more profound experience. I can’t wait to see how next week’s session will support me through this process. Has anyone else out there tried combining The Presence Process with other self-healing tools? I’d love to hear what results you’ve experienced if you have!