This week I have been feeling the distance between us and have arrived at the conclusion that I need to let him go. My emotions have been more subtle, not nearly as acute as before, but there has been a lot of fear coming up and anxiety. What if I end up alone, seems to be the theme of my resistance. My adult self knows that I have lots of friends and family and that I will never be truly alone, but my 18-year-old seems to have other beliefs and feelings on the subject, not to mention my 2-year-old who is also worried she’ll be abandoned.
The conscious awareness of this week is “I feel safe now”, but clearly my younger selves haven’t bought into this yet. They continue to believe that I am only lovable if I’m perfect, whilst they themselves have no difficulty loving fully, with all their heart, people who are imperfect.
How silly then that we create these limiting beliefs when we are all aware that none of us are perfect – what would be the point of life then, if there was nothing more to learn or work on? It reminded me of The Good Place, a show I watched on Netflix, and the moment when the main characters finally get to the good place only to realize that everyone there is a zombie because they are there forever and life has no meaning unless you know it will end one day.
Learning, growing, expanding gives meaning and purpose, if we can only overcome our fear of change long enough to experience it. It seems to me that this is one of the main gifts The Presence Process offers us.